What's Next?
I've been living in my head alot lately. My therapist says it's bound to happen when you're in a big city with tall buildings and your small fluttering heart. What more weight can it bear alongside corporate deadlines, guilt of being away from your parents, grief, heartbreak, and the pressure to have it all 'figured out'? Every day feels like a juggling act between responsibilities and dreams, and the constant question, “What’s next?” hangs over me like a shadow, as relentless as the city traffic below.
I find myself standing at the crossroads of juvenile ambition and the uncertainty of adult life, each path whispering promises and fears in equal measure. Sometimes, I wish I could just pause time, and find a clear answer in the stillness. But life doesn’t wait to happen; it rushes forward with all its unpredictability, and I’m swept along, trying to catch glimpses of my future through the blur.
My Bangalore apartment, has become both my sanctuary and my cage. It’s where I retreat to think, to dream, and to wrestle with all these questions that seem to have no easy answers. There are nights when I lie awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if I’m doing enough or if I’m even on the right path. Seeing people around me hit milestones and feeling the weight of societal expectations only adds to the confusion.
In these moments of solitude, I remind myself that growing up is not a linear process. So cliché but this takes time to be understood. It’s messy, confusing, and filled with detours. I’m learning that it’s okay not to have every answer, to not have my future neatly laid out in front of me. Instead, it’s about navigating through uncertainty, finding joy in the small victories, and embracing the evolving story of a nobody living in a big city.
So, if you ask me the answer to “What’s next?”, is that I don't know. (Yep, you clearly guessed that right) For now, unfortunately enough, I've to keep going forward with the arrow of time. Taking things one step at a time, and trusting that each experience is shaping me into someone who I'd doubt a little less. Maybe it has never been about finding a definitive answer, but about learning to live with the question itself.
- IB